A week of qualifying exams.
One week. Three take-home questions designed to test the "breadth" and "depth" of your "knowledge". GO.
Day 1 - Tuesday
Pick up exam. Go to supermarket. Get home. Look at questions. Hey, not too terrible! Hey, the first question is like your master's thesis! Cut and paste, cut and paste. This is awesome. Who said that exams were hard? Tra la la la.
Day 2 - Wednesday
Done with first question, hurrah! Really read the other two questions. Oh, crap. No cutting and pasting possible. Must actually write. Who said that staying in school forever was a good idea? Writing requires brain power. Brain so does not want to function. Order Indian food. Who thought that ordering enough for 10 people was a good idea? Proceed to eat Indian food for lunch and dinner the next four days. Good thing you like saag paneer and lamb vindaloo.
Day 3 - Thursday
SO FREAKING SORE. Nobody said that sitting in a chair for 12 hours a day was this physically exhausting. Eyes hurt. Neck hurts. Shoulders hurt. Back hurts. Wrists hurt. Fingers hurt. And these questions suck. SUCK.
Day 4 - Friday
STILL SORE. Getting sorer by the minute. Seriously consider dropping out of school and opening a bakery. Bakeries are fun. Bakeries don't make you write papers. Also, there is nothing left to read on the internets. Not that reading is possible due to all the muscle strain. Wonder if applying for worker's comp is possible. Start to feel really sorry for self. Decide that a new purse is necessary. Unfortunately settle on a Chanel 2.55. Need need want want. Those suckers are expensive. Attempt to validate purchase by the amount of sorryness felt for self. Feeling really really really sorry. Is three "reallys" enough? Look at "cheaper" purses. It is a warped, warped world when $1500 Marc Jacobs bags are a "bargain" compared to Chanels. But now? Have become a veritable expert in identifying fake Chanels.
Day 5 - Saturday
Even God took a break. Sure, he took a break on the seventh day, but we're not God here. Sleep in? Check. Go see Labryinth at the nearby movie theatre? Check. Take a nap? Check. Attempt to sit in chair and work for a little. NO CHECK. Body is physically rejecting chair. REPEAT, NO CHECK. Go out for sushi? Check. See Yo-Yo Ma? Check. Drool with envy at all the Chanel purses? Check. Decide that some are fake due to newly-developed fake-identifying skills? Check. Go to bed early? Check. Do no work? Check.
Day 6 - Sunday
Totally resonate with favorite character on Dirty Sexy Money, Jeremy, and his totally super skill of zoning out: "Well, I've always had this uncanny ability to just chill. You know, like I can be sitting in a chair, and it's 2 o'clock. Next thing I know, boom! 4 o'clock." Oh yeah. Play hours upon hours of Peggle. Realize that if there was less procrastination and more writing, could've been done several days ago. But Peggle is so mesmerizing. Questions about social competence and bilingual narratives can just SUCK IT. Consider actually buying Peggle, but don't want to admit that there might be an addiction-borne-out-of-procrastination problem. Get exam-taking friend hooked on Peggle also. At least something got accomplished. Out of Indian food. Order Chinese. CRAP. Someone does NOT understand the concept of "ordering in moderation."
Day 7 - Monday
Is this over yet? Think that it is really funny that advisor thinks these quals are so important that she spent 2 hours asking around for your password (why would someone else have your password?), so as to not bother you, in order to resubmit a paper for you due today to a journal. Okay, quals are that important. Will miss not being made to do anything. Crap. Really like having other people do things for you. Decide to clean apartment. Throw out 4 months worth of magazines. 15 magazines/month * 4 months = lots of magazines. Bemoan fact that books and stuff for school are taking over the bookshelves. Excited for spa day scheduled with a friend the day after handing in exams. Still want Chanel purse. Le sigh. Also? Peggle.
Day 8 - Tuesday
Hand in exams at 11:30am!!!!! Go to bar. Go straight to bar and do not look back. Aim to be drunk within the hour. At last, an attainable goal.
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