jeudi 2 août 2007

He might get a 10 for perseverance, but he gets an 11 for stupidity.

If this isn't the worst pickup line(s) I've heard (can't really remember all of them now; I try to block the pain), it definitely ranks way way way up there.

Setting: Bar in Westwood, near UCLA. Monday nights are the nights a couple of us go and get drunk, to start the week off right. Also, the bartender is awesome and is our friend.

Male: I'm a nurse at UCLA - #3 in the nation, #1 on the West coast.

Me (to my friend): Are you kidding me? That's his line? That's his opening gambit? That's the best he's got?

Me (to the idiot male): That's nice. I knew that already. I do research there.

So then we proceed to ignore the guy. And we talk to our friend the bartender, who tells us about an even worse opening play: one of his friends went home with a guy, they're fooling around on the bed, and then the guy reaches under his bed (?!), pulls out a handful of Cool Whip (?!?!), and smears it on her face (?!?!?!?!). We all agree, that is definitely the worst ever.

Male, again: My name is Adam. Do you girls like to party?

My friend: Whatthefuck?

Male: You girls look like you'd do keg stands.

My friend: Bartender, please save us.

: Hey, you harassing the mothers of my children?

My friend: Can't he see that I am married? (She is, but not to the bartender.) What do I have to do, wave it in his face some more?

Me: You probably have to punch him using that hand, so that the ring gets indented in his cheek or something.

And so we proceed to talk amongst ourselves. Again. Excluding the idiot male nurse (or murse, as the bartender starts calling him). Yet, to no avail.

Male, again: Hey, my name is Adam and I'm a nurse at UCLA. 3rd in the country, 1st on the West coast.

Me: Are you fucking kidding me?

My friend: We could definitely take him out. He's sipping on some wine, and we've had four martinis apiece. (Sadly, this is true. But we'd been there for over 6 hours. Wow. I don't know what's worse - 4 martinis on a Monday, or being in a bar for over 6 hours. On a Monday.)

Me: As much as I like hanging out here, I think we're really going to have to call it a night.

Bartender: Until next week?

Me and my friend: Unfortunately, yes.