The procrastinator's guide to writing papers.
ONE LOUSY STINKING PAPER LEFT, and it has taken me 5 days, which is about 3 days longer than I wanted to take, to write it. And I am still writing it. But I am almost done! Almost! Like, 89.34% done! But I had this TREMENDOUS mental block (haha! Which is funny, because it's about working memory and traumatic brain injuries - maybe I incurred one recently as that would explain so much) and every time I sat down at my computer to write, it'd be like I was possessed by the ghost of procrastinators past.
In the spirit of things (haha! I am sometimes funny!), now's the perfect time to write my list entitled: How Not To Effectively Write Papers, also known as, How To Maximize One's Procrastination Because One is Too Glued to the Internet to Willingly Disconnect From It.
- Get really really drunk both Friday and Saturday nights, thereby rendering Saturday day and Sunday day absolutely stinking useless, unless you don't consider reading fashion magazines useless. (I don't.)
- Play this gladiator game. The animated blood and gore are especially funny.
- Write all your Christmas cards. Since buying holiday-themed stamps would require getting out of your pajamas, decide to send carefully decide who gets which superhero stamp, and hope they get the inside joke that probably only exists in your head.
- Finally see what Ugly Betty is all about. Decide that it is the BEST new TV show ever
(yes, sometimes I apparently live under a rock, but I like My Name is Earl!), and watch all the episodes that are online.
- And then read all the recaps on Television Without Pity to see what you've missed.
- Online sudoku. Hey, at least you're giving your brain a workout, right?
- Come up with the theme for your January party, because it's never too soon to start planning. (It's a surprise! Except for everyone I already told.)
- Plan a party for March (in Boston!) also, because really? It's never too soon. (And because Fake Boyfriend owes me a party, whether he realises it or not.)
- Willingly go to school to work at your advisor's center, even though on a normal day it'd be like pulling teeth to get you in.
- To buy an ipod or not to buy?: That is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the indignities of the world around you, or to take joy in that the world is a noisy one just waiting for you to eavesdrop upon it.
- Two words: online shopping. (I can't even list all the sites I've visited recently, so I'm not going to try.)
- Contemplate ALL the fun things you're going to do after you're done, like Christmas present shopping and making and wrapping, and re-covering ottomans, and cleaning, and mopping, and dusting, and ... yeah.
- Write this damn list up.
Okay. See? That killed a whole lot of time, and ... oh, right. The magic paper-writing fairy hasn't come and taken care of matters for me. Shit.