mercredi 1 février 2006

I want a Logan Huntzberger.

Otherwise titled: It's like a dog with a bone. But not a cute dog that you want to pet. Rather, a godawful obnoxious dog that should be QUARANTINED.

You know that saying, "When it rains, it pours"? Well, I wish it would rain cute interesting guys, rather than whiny needy idiots I just want to smack over the head with a 2x4. Sad thing is, there seem to be more of the latter out there than the former.

To wit: Monday night, while I was still trying to BS 15 pages worth of field notes, I got an IM from a screenname I didn't recognise. Turns out it was this guy I knew way back in college, when I was a sophomore and he was a senior. We had the same class and sort of became friends, because you know? Sometimes, I'm friendly like that. I like to talk to other people in class. I am that quietly disruptive person. However, I had absolutely no interest in him - quite frankly, he would fit in quite well on Beauty and the Geek. And he wasn't a cute geek. Cute geeks, I like. He did a little too much pot in high school, which was a total turnoff (as in, he'd miss going to school because he was smoking up). And he didn't do that well in college either, which is another turnoff. And he was in the dorky frat. And he was weird - as in, one night we stayed up until 2AM talking, and the next day he broke up with his long-distance girlfriend for me, as he told me. This freaked the living crap out of me, because hi! SO NOT INTERESTED, and I more or less stopped talking to him until he graduated, at which point I wished him good luck, and I haven't talked to him since.

If you're doing the math, that was over five years ago.

And then he randomly IMed me Monday night. The conversation went like this:
Him: hey, how r u
Me: Who is this?
Him: eric
Me: Who?
Him: [last name redacted, although he doesn't deserve it, because if I gave you his full name you could look him up on Friendster and mock him for being a dweeb]. u remember me
Me: Oh, how are you doing?
Him: good
Him: u still have ur boyfriend?
Him: jeff maybe, if i'm right, don't be afraid, i just remember shit like that
Can I just mention HOW MUCH I HATE people who shorten "you" to "u" and "your" to "ur". In fact, I told my sister that if she sent me emails using such shorter versions of words, I wouldn't read them. Anyway. Now, I consider relationship questions to be somewhat personal (although apparently, I have no problem broadcasting to a whole bunch of strangers what I did on Saturday night. That dichotomy aside...), so I sidestepped it (not to mention, I've never dated a Jeff), and found out that he was selling real estate in the Valley and tutoring high school students. Apparently I didn't sidestep well enough, for he asked:
Him: did ur boyfriend move out with u
At this point, I was getting weirded out, especially since after I told him I considered relationship questions personal he kept prying. So I said that I had to work (and this wasn't a lie, do you know how hard it is to fake observation notes?) and said bye! Then, in good ol' male-damaged ego form:
Him: when did u become such a bitch
Him: u were nice at brown
Him: look i was just trying to be nice, seeing how you were doing, and asking someone if they have a bf is not a "personal" question, and you can't even accept the most minute amount of flattery and just be respectful
Him: u gotta pull attitude, i have no idea why, then u leave the conversation pretty rudely and abruptly, so i don't care what u think
Him: i bet when guys come up to u at a bar, u tell them to fuck off hahahahahahaha
Him:: whenever u want to apologize for being unfriendly, let me know, until then, peace ou
I ignored his IMs, because didn't I already say "goodbye"? And I wasn't really in the mood to get into an argument.

Then I blocked him, just to be safe, because he obviously didn't understand the meaning of goodbye.

Oh, that DID NOT WORK, however, for he IMed me from ANOTHER name. And so I present to you, edited only to remove screennames, the rest of the TORTUROUS conversation. (Dagny can verify that this is unedited, since I sent it all to her while he was plaguing me.) Oh yeah, and my commentary.
Him: i am typically not a mean person, i would like to have a civil dialogue with u to figure out why the last convo turned so bad, i remember us being friendly, i think we are misunderstanding each other
Me: I told you, I consider relationship questions personal.
Me: And I'm really sorry, but I have no time to deal with your hurt feelings right now, I'm trying to do work.
Him: well no offense, but u are like the only person i know that would consider that a personal question, so i just did not realize that you thought differently about things, did not mean to ask u too personal of a question
Me: Au contraire, I know many people who would consider it a personal question. And really, I need to do work.
Him: well since u told me how u felt about such a personal question, i should tell u that the way u come across to me is with an attitude of someone that has no interest in even being friendly with me, so if you are busy and would like me to catch up with u another time, i will, and if u would not like to catch up another time, then i will not contact u again
Him: so u pic
Him: k
Him: and what did u mean by "hurt feelings", as if i'm crying that you don't seem to be interested in my interest in u, listen, i couldn't care less, plus u didn't even give me a chance to ask u out because u started with the attitude first, this all could have been simple...
Him: i ask u out, u say no, end of story, we can be friendly, but now i am just really annoyed with ur attitude
Ask me out? Who the holy hell does he think he is? Not like I'd accept. I didn't want to go out with him five years ago, does he really think matters have changed, especially seeing how he's being so unreasonable?
Him: ur really mean
Him: but whatever, u obviously don't care, i'm done
I only wish he was done at this point. But no, it keeps going.
Him: just go be immature and block this name too
You bet your ass I'm gonna be immature and block this screenname because I am getting no peace here.
Me: I'm sorry, but I AM TRYING TO DO WORK HERE
Me: And this is why I am being short
Me: To compound: this incessant IMing is just making me more annoyed right now.
Him: we used to be friends, u could take a second and tell me to contact u another time or resolve it now
Him: that's because u are ignoring me
Repeat: I have not had contact with him IN FIVE YEARS. I really don't consider that friendship. And apparently, he's been hoarding my SN this entire time. Ergh. And yeah, that's a real way to win a girl over. She tells you to go away because you're annoying her, and you keep persisting. Yeah. That really works. Persistence in this fashion does NOT pay off, EVER.
Me: I have said MULTIPLE times that I am busy.
Him: which is rude
Him: and i asked u if i should contact u another time or not bother
Me: Usually, if someone tells me "I am busy", I LEAVE THEM ALONE.
Him: why are u so mean to me, i don't get it
Because you are an idiot.
Him: Him [9:07 P.M.]: and i asked u if i should contact u another time or not bother
Me: Really. Exactly what part of "I'm doing work, bye", do you not understand?
Him: well are u trying to say "i'm busy" or "leave me alone forever", i'm just looking for clarification
At this point? It's so leave me alone forever, please. Forever and ever. I just want some damn peace here.
Him: i'm honestly bummed, i thought u were nice before, now u just write me off like u couldn't give a shit
Him: i am just trying to get to the bottom of this, and trust me, i am only annoying u because i get really annoyed when people are mean and start ignoring me, all u have to say is whether i should try contacting u again
People probably ignore you because you are annoying, dipshit.
Him: "hurt feelings?" what the hell does that mean, u are pretty presumptuous
Oh, like he isn't hurt right now. He is like the KING of hurt feelings right now.
Me: At this point, really? No. Don't contact me again. I am trying to do work and you are being a pest.
Him: only because u are rude, i don't know what the hell happened to u
Me: At this point, you are whiny and needy, what the hell happened to you?
I had to get childishly mean here. There was no other option.
Him: um, u blocked me, doesn't get much more immature than that
Maybe that was a hint, bucko.
Him: all u had to do was be civil, but u decided to block me, start ignoring me, etc.
Me: I AM FUCKING TRYING TO DO WORK HERE AND YOU ARE BOTHERING ME
Me: I would block anyone in that situation
Him: any kids u end teaching are unlucky
Me: You can't even spell properly, so I wouldn't talk.
Him: yeah i forgot a word, sue me
Him: and it wasn't even a spelling mistake, it was a grammatical mistake, what a moron
Him: u show me where the spelling mistake is
Me: Replacing "you" with "u". That is spelling.
Me: Or laziness.
Me: Whatever you prefer.
Him: that is internet language
Him: to save time
Me: Laziness, then.
Him: man, u are an ice queen
Him: i don't remember u being like this
Me: I don't remember you being whiny and not being able to get the hint.
Him: what hint
OMFG. Some people deserve to be hit with a sledgehammer. This guy? One of them.
Him: yes i get it, u don't want to go out with me, big deal, don't care, we were friends as well
Him: as if i'm only contacting u to go out with u
YES YOU ARE! You haven't talked to me in 5 years, then you IM me out of the blue to try to find out if I'm single SO YOU CAN ASK ME OUT. You said so previously. I would have entertained the concept of friendship if you hadn't asked me all those relationship questions.
Him: and then u have to be condescending, "ur hurt feelings", is it just that guys never ask u out? is that the reason for the attitude?
Him: but seriously, what about my point, ... Him [9:14 P.M.]: yes i get it, u don't want to go out with me, big deal, don't care, we were friends as well
Me: At this point? I AM STILL TRYING TO DO WORK, your neediness is quite frankly annoying me and needy people? I need none of those in my life.
I mean, at this point give ME the sledgehammer so I can put myself out of my misery.
Him: i am only needy because u pissed the shit about me by acting like a stuck up bitch who only thought some guy who she didn't want to go out with was asking her out and she needed to pull attitude, and u have not acted like my friend from moment one, which is what u should have done
Him: so u are getting what u deserve at this point
Him: as long as u are being immature, i will be as well, until u are civil, i will annoy the hell out of u, and i will enjoy it as well, and feel free to block this name, i'll use another, man what a stuck up bitch
I mean, give me a break here. I obviously don't want to talk to you, to the point that I'm blocking your screennames, do you really think that IMing me with other ones is going to change my mind?
Me: My final words on this: 1) I did not know you were asking me out
Him: finally u will actually talk to me real
Him: it took this long
Me: 2) Relationship questions are personal. Deal.
Him: i will debate that point at another time
There will NEVER be another time.
Me: 3) I am trying to do work, and more you IM me with your "internet language" the more annoying it is.
Me: And that is it.
Me: Bye.
Him: wow
Him: this isn't over ... i remember us being friendly, so when u r not busy, i will approach u respectfully, and hopefully u are respectful in return, sorry for the bother
Oh, this is SO FUCKING OVER. This is the worst case of "not getting the message" that I've EVER seen. So I blocked this screenname because gosh, the headaches!

You think he'd have gotten the point by then, right?

OH NO, because like FIVE MINUTES RIGHT AFTER THAT, he IMed me from yet ANOTHER screenname.

I was so tempted to see what he was going to be a whiny bitch about this time, but I figured that not even accepting his IM would send a more definitive message.

Anyway. In conclusion. Why do I know so many guys who have like no cajones and dude, no pride. Suck it up and be a man. I swear, I'd think I have more testosterone running through my blood than half the guys I've had to deal with in the last six months. (But really, I'm all female. I promise. I have people who can vouch for this.)