Don't ever say that I've never given you anything.
Boys are funny. Somehow, over the course of the weekend, I got challenged both to a cook-off and a sangria-off (does that work? I don't know what to call it. A sangria-making competition?). I also inadvertantly hurt another guy's feelings when I told him I didn't remember his name, but to be fair, I first (and last) saw him 3 months ago and I was very very drunk that night. He should be lucky that I remember his face. And then my friend let loose that she's been wanting to set me up with her younger brother, which is great and he's really really cute and super-smart but there are a few problems with this scenario: I have never met him, he currently lives in Italy, and when he moves back from Italy he'll be in Boston. Oh, and he doesn't drink and my friend is obviously delusional if she thinks this will ever work out. But I am glad that I am her number one candidate.
Anyways. I am so going to beat these male asses at these various food competitions. Hrmph, turning what could be just fun cooking together into competitions. Typical males. But that's not the main point of today's post, for, even though I feel the teensiest bit bad for continuing to mock him - well, I feel bad until I reread the post where he annoyed me to death and beyond, and then don't feel bad anymore.
Before you even ask, no, his picture doesn't get any bigger than that. Be glad.
I even went to his frat webpage to see if I could find more pictures, and such is my dedication to all of you that I looked at more pictures of horridly awkward geeky guys in an hour than I ever want to look at for the rest of my life. Gosh, it was actually painful looking at those pictures. Almost as bad as looking at online dating profiles, which I do for fun. But online dating profiles aren't tainted with memories about ARGH, having to be nice to these guys because they were our "brother frat" for awhile. (Luckily, my sorority has since moved on, and has stopped recruiting primarily at Hillel, for the most part. Not that I have anything against Hillel - not at all. But when you recruit girls from there [no, I'm not Jewish], then you end up becoming the sister sorority of the Jewish frat, and face it. Those guys are bigtime dorks. Especially the ones who were in the this particular frat the years I was involved with the Greek system. Ergh. Thinking of them makes me shiver.)
But because I do not want to mar the prettiness of this webpage anymore, the only other picture I've decided to link to is this one, because he's with a drag queen, which is perhaps the closest he's ever gotten to a female. There were a couple of other pictures, but you don't really need the visual pain.
I hope that y'all know that I have very likely damaged my retinas by looking at all of these pictures, not to mention that I haven't thought about these guys since my junior year of college (as by senior year, I had for all intents and purposes stopped attending Greek events. I was too busy getting drunk at other places, ie the front stoop of my apartment building. Or on the roof. Depended on what time of day it was). So now, I am going to work hard at repressing all these old memories again.
And yes, that is all his profile says. I do realise it says that he's in a relationship. Maybe an imaginary relationship with a fake girl, because that's all he'd ever be able to pull. I mean, he all but called us the bestest of friends even though he fell so far off my radar screen that his first name alone wasn't enough to trigger any memories. If that isn't delusional, I don't know what is.
He also has two testimonials, where two relatively cute girls say nice things about him, such as "Eric is a really understanding person and great friend" and "He is a stud muffin and gets a lot of chics [sic]". I don't really understand, maybe these girls were drunk or something when they wrote those testimonials, or he somehow logged into their Friendster accounts and falsified those claims. Because nobody in his/her right mind would actually say such things about him, given that he's obviously a clueless idiot dumbfuck lunatic.
I am so clever at my insults. I am in the throes of grading 60 2-page essays, and that is sapping what little creativity I have. It's really only going to get worse before it gets better, because guess what? Next week, it's 240 short answers that I'll be grading!