lundi 30 janvier 2006

This would be a more scandalous story if I could recall more details.

Dare to let go. Love's extra sweet and full of pleasantly sticky possibilities from Thursday through Saturday. Indulge in a heaping helping. And if a certain someone messes up your Sunday routine, well, you might not even mind.
-My weekend horoscope

Why do horoscopes always talk about love? Why don't they talk about just getting really really drunk and having a great time?

Anyway, you ever have one of those mornings where you wake up, and your apartment smells like a bunch of vodka-loving Russians had FUN the night before?

Yeah, Sunday was that morning.

Let's go back, shall we, to Saturday evening. Jen and I had dinner at this wine bar that I desperately want to like, but this is the second time we've been there and the second time we've received shitty service while everyone else around us got good service. I don't care how good their wine list and cheese list are, I am not returning anytime soon. (Luckily, we did not see black nail polish guy again. And yes, I completely forgot to bring the wine cards with me.)

So we went to my favourite bar because goshdarnit, I wanted a dirty vodka martini and good service. (At this place, the bartender always gives us water without our having to ask for it. This is important, folks.) And oh, perhaps we met some guys. And perhaps I had a little too much to drink, because when we were kicked out of the bar just after 2AM (why do bars in LA close so early?), I perhaps invited the guys back to my apartment for more drinks. Perhaps.

You know, details are fuzzy. I fully blame the vodka-tonic one of the guys gave me.

It was sort of funny that en route home, we decided that the guys were annoying as we were sobering up. But then we got drunk again at my place, and they weren't so annoying anymore. Which, actually, is a little surprising, because usually I think that people are more annoying when I'm drunk. Oh well.

Say hi to my foot!

There was juggling with tangerines. Party trick, I guess.

And one of their friends randomly showed up. He only knew my name, yet somehow managed to find my apartment. Over 10,000 people live in this apartment complex, and I have friends who still get lost trying to find my place. Yet this guy, whose name I quite frankly don't remember, could find my apartment WITHOUT my giving him the tower and apartment specifics. I think I really need to have a talk with security. And then he fell asleep like 10 minutes after getting here. See the below left-most picture.

Goshdarnit, I take really good pictures when I'm drunk and decide to not use my flash.

Did I mention that one of the guys totally reminded me of one of my exes? The slightly whiny nasally voice, the manner of making observation-complaints - I cannot believe that there are two of these guys out in the world, it's most unfortunate. He even looked a little like my ex. The other guy, I have since decided, looks a little like this actor. They both had on striped shirts. Ah, striped shirts. You've gotta love 'em.

Anyway, at the obscenely early hour of 8:30AM (it is obscenely early if you've only gone to bed at 5:30, maybe 6), I found myself on the floor of my closet, sending text messages to friends. I was in the closet because I didn't want to get dressed to go in the hall, my kitchen floor was dirty with spilt wine, there were two people sleeping (passed out?) on my couch (haaa! You two looked so cute! I still don't know how you got the quilt from my bedroom, though), and somehow, it seemed a wrong to sit in the bathroom for privacy. So I sat in my closet instead. Maybe I was still drunk. That is entirely likely. Here are some text messages that I sent:
Argh, I forgot what the proper etiquette is to kick someone out of one’s bed. To compound: I need to do field research for a class IN AN HOUR. And there are other people on my couch.

BTW, I am not a cuddler. Seriously. And someone, who is not me, is a bedhog.

I really want an Egg McMuffin but I am virtually a prisoner in my own apt because NOBODY WILL WAKE UP ALREADY. Also, can't sleep: he snores.

Dammit, I just realised that I'm going to have to drive the guys home.
And here are some responses:
Run the garbage disposal. (I think this was proposed to wake everyone up, otherwise I'm a little confused.)

LOL - send him out for food.

How many guys did you sleep with?!
Luckily, everyone eventually woke up - but too late for me to go to the farmers' market to do observations. Heehee, I just remembered the succubus and brain-sucking comment. Heeheeheee. We checked golf scores (golf. I had to check golf scores for one of the guys as he walked around poking at things with my tennis racquet - the morning after always amuses me) and dropped the guys off at the metro stop so they could take it home - heehee, there is something funny about the fact that they took public transportation home. Metro ride of shame for them! I guess it's better than taking a sketchy bus home. Then Jen and I took our fatigued and beyond-hungover selves to brunch, where we spotted this actress - I guess it was a Charmed weekend, wasn't it? (I crack myself up sometimes with the puns.)

I then spent the rest of Sunday doing laundry, cleaning up my apartment (and finding that all my tangerines were basically liquid inside from being dropped on the floor so many times), and writing up 15 pages of field notes, pretending that I had been at the farmers' market this morning instead of attempting to fall back asleep next to the snoring cuddler who would try to still me by draping his legs over me. No. I hate that too.

Oh yes. The first picture in this post. Very proudly, as if he were a little 5-year-old, one of the guys told me to look at the tangerine slices he had lined up ON TOP OF MY FRIDGE. Now, I am 5'4. That means my eyes are around, I dunno, at the 5'1 mark? My fridge is 5'5. I don't clean the top of my fridge because I can't reach it (and I am lazy). If he hadn't told me that he left tangerine slices lined up "like they're in the army" (oh, those were his words) on top of my fridge, I NEVER WOULD HAVE KNOWN THEY WERE UP THERE BECAUSE I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SEE THEM.

But hey. Good times, y'all.