Protection for the masses.
My roommate is the best roommate I've had yet, to date. He's male, and therefore useful when it comes to things like getting my car out of narrow parking spots and lifting heavy things, but because he's gay not only do I have to not worry about sexual tension, he is SO clean it's awesome. He is forever vacuuming and cleaning the kitchen. I'm not complaining at all.
He is also very un-PC, which suits me to a tee. We have designated our apartment the "No Ugly People" zone, and we're pretty strict about it.* We have our standards, you know.
My roommate also volunteers for some sex education program. I'm not sure what it's called, all I know is that he goes to gay clubs and hands out condoms, all in the name of safe sex. So we came up with a bunch of things he could say while handing out condoms.
For the ugly guys:
"Don't worry, your looks are your protection."
"You look like you already have STDs. You probably don't need any condoms for yourself, since you're beyond hope, but here, take a couple so you don't infect others."
For the girls:
"You're female, and you're in a gay club. You don't need a condom; you're not getting any tonight."
For the cute guys:
"Take off that shirt and then we'll determine if you need condoms."
"Hey, look, I have a ton of condoms. Why don't we put these to good use?"
I know we came up with others, but my memory fails me at the moment.**
*If you are going to write me hate mail, go get off your high horse. Never did I ever say that this site was PC or un-offensive.
**I know, I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel here for interesting things. But you didn't really want to hear about my week in NY which was spent running around in a suit and heels going from meeting to meeting.
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